Losing my religion Part 1

I am Catholic. My parents went to Catholic elementary school. I went to Catholic school along with my sisters. But we all went to a public high school.

When I was very young, I wanted to be a nun. I had no special calling for this. I thought it might be the only way to get into heaven.  Also, going to a Catholic school they have all that time to try and brainwashing you into it. 

St.Fidelis Church. The School was across the street.

A catholic knows even thinking of something, like killing someone is a mortal sin and you are going straight to hell. Missing mass was a mortal sin.  Yes, you can confess to a priest but seriously, you would have to confess every few minutes  with all your mortal sin thoughts.
Yep, no chance.

My parents did not force us to go to church. But we had to attend with our school class, which took attendance. I did not like church. I still did not go every Sunday. On Monday if the nun called on me and asked why I was not there,  I said I was at my families vacation house up state or somewhere. 

I thought church was boring and if Jesus saw what his church was doing now, he would not be happy.
People were hypocrites. They were cursing  on  their way out of church.  I have bad knees from all the kneeling we had to do.

I could not believe that if a baby only lived a few hours...that would be its only time on earth. I didn't understand how God could allow all this suffering.   Just from not going into a building on Sunday I could spend the rest of my life in hell if I died before confessing. 

I could pray a lot to get someone out of Purgatory.  A priest told us if your parents don't make you go to church, they are committing a mortal sin and will go to hell.  I stayed awake many a night begging God not to blame my parents because I don't go to church every Sunday.

My sister Barbara was the only one who did like to go to church on occasion. She would always go to church on Holy Days, Christmas Eve Night Mass, Easter, Palm Sunday etc.

I suppose when I was around 12-13 I started reading stories about reincarnation. I thought these people were crazy, they were doing this to get their story in the paper.  (these stories would be in The Star or National Inquirer, not a normal newspaper)  But some of them didn't want their real name mentioned. They didn't want their faces shown. .... It made me think and read more stories about this. The Catholic church did not believe in Reincarnation. 

 I must say though, sometimes on my way home from work at St.Agnes, I would stop in church just to sit in the back and think before heading home. I found it very soothing. 

I started reading books...and that continued for many years.....