Tuesday, July 30, 2024

My brother Charlie



 Charles William, is 14 months younger than me. We shared a tiny room in the Bronx. He was a good brother. He was also my mother's favorite. We were close, I was closer to him than even my sisters.

He started drinking as a teen and that is what destroyed him. He is an alcoholic. He had no self confidence, low self esteem.

He had black outs, when he drank. He could not hold a job. My father wanted to throw him out a few times but my mother would never let him. 

When Charlie was maybe about 11 a bully kid was picking on a younger boy. Charlie went up to the bully and told him to pick on him, his own size, and leave the little kid alone. My mother saw this from the window and never forgot it.

He married a drug addict, they were together a couple of years before separating. She died. 

I could never let him live on the streets. My mother would have turned in her grave. So on and off, most of my life, he lived with me.

When Charlie was good, he was very good, when he was bad, he was awful.

He was not allowed to drink when he stayed with me, he had to stay with a friend.  He went to rehab a few times. He would "date" low life street women which made him feel superior. When he did have a girlfriend, he became obsessed with her. That's all he cared about.

As much as I loved him, I could not deal with him any more. The only way to get rid of him was to move away. That's when I moved to Gulfport. Not just to get rid of him but to be with Agnes and Grace and Liam eventually. 

He met a women in the classified section of the paper and moved in with her.  A black woman, with kids who lived in the projects, so he could feel superior to her and them.

He stayed there many years before he went to the hospital for a fall and is still in there to this day. If he ever gets out I think he will be dead in a few  months.

He is 72 and still thinks like a 17 year old.

Like most alcoholics he is self centered. He keeps trying for the life he wants, to get out of there and have his own place. I hope he gets it. 


Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Healing codes

 Over a year ago, maybe two years ago,  I heard about Quantum healing codes.  The theory is, numbers send out vibrations and certain numbers can stop pain. I do believe in that theory so I looked into it. 

There are a whole big list of numbers that can heal specific areas on or in your body. Just look up Healing codes and you can find it. 

You think of the area you have pain and either out loud or just in your mind, repeat the number. 55515 is for general pain. When I was looking up all these codes, that code was easy to remember.

One day when I had a bad IBS attack I remembered that code and said it. I didn't think anything happened but it made me think of something else besides the pain. 

Eventually I remembered to use the code every time  I was in pain even though I felt it was not working.  BUT then, I think the pain was not as long when I said it. I felt it might be helping.

With my cancer, I use it at times with my mouth/ head/neck pain. It does seem to help my headache and pain in my mouth. Is it my imagination? IDK but it seems to help and that's all that matters to me.


Monday, July 8, 2024

Cheetah Club - NYC 1960s

 My brother in law took me and a few other members of the kids I hung out with, to the city. We went to the Cheetah Club.  I was 15/16 but people did not care so much back then if you were underage. But I also had a fake birth certificate and I can't remember now if I had to show it.

I don't remember a great deal about it now.  Like any night club it was loud. Lots of people, good music. There were other rooms.  I danced. We wandered around, there were other rooms I did not go into. I remember one room was padded. 

What I do remember was seeing this rectangle object almost as tall as me.  It was showing a video of Neil Sedaka  singing Calendar girl.  I was amazed! This was 1960s, before anything and here you could watch someone sing their song, watch your favorite songs being performed,  not on TV but in this box.  That stuck with me all these years. How amazing that was to watch.


Thursday, July 4, 2024

Family medical history

 I guess I will write down what I know about our medical history.

My family

Mother - Margaret - Cancer, liver-lung. Over active thyroid. Appendicitis 

Father - John - Cancer. High blood pressure -Heart Attack

Sister Peggy - Dementia

Sister Barbara - Cancer - alcoholic

Brother Charles - alcoholic - high blood pressure

Brother Thomas - High blood pressure

Daughter - Skin cancer

 Maternal Side of the Family.

Great Grandmother, Bridget -  Brain Cancer

Grandmother - Mary - Diabetees

Grand Aunt - Rita- AAA - Abdominal Aorta Aneurysm

Uncle Charlie - AAA - Abdominal Aorta Aneurysm

Aunt - Mae - Cancer, AAA- Abdominal Aorta Aneurysm

2 Cousins had skin cancer


Paternal Side of the family

Grandfather - Michael - Throat cancer

Aunt Mary -  Cancer



I will edit this as I remember more...


Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Cancer- first week of July

 So, cancer is progressing. I would say the pain in my mouth and tongue is a 3-4. My neck tumor is getting bigger and I sometimes have to watch how I bend my neck. There are also two other smaller tumors I can feel in my neck.

I also have a headache on that side of my head.  It comes and goes as the day goes on,  but I have it every day.  I have not increased my medication, but it might happen soon.  Although the pain is low grade, I  have it every day. I am just tired of being in pain. 

I am not eating as much. I am still hungry but my tongue is sore and I don't like to move it a lot. Also I can not stand eating some of the same food for months now. I can't even  stand to smell the frozen dinners I used to eat. So, mainly I have oatmeal, eggs, pudding, yogurt, and ice cream. My speech is much worse now as I can only bend my tongue slightly now.  

Also, it is harder to swallow food and drink. I have to becareful not to choke. I choked twice on water. 

One thing I had to get used to was, I  was not going to get better. 

My whole life, up to this point, no matter how I got hurt or sick....I always got better. Not now. 

I am sleeping more which is good because I don't feel any pain. My lips get very dry at night but I keep a washcloth and water near my bed to moisten my lips.

That's where I am after being on Hospice for around 4 months.