I had a bad reaction to a medication and have not recovered from it, so I have been tired and weak. I have been on my iPad but not so much on my computer.
I have to rest a lot. I spend most of my time in bed, I run out of energy pretty fast, even just sitting up. I cannot do a shower and my wash on the same day and now Ag helps me with my wash.
So, here I am, still learning a lesson, I guess, or teaching someone a lesson.
One lady spent her time crossing things off her bucket list. I don't have one. My dream was to see England, I did that. She also spent her time writing friends and family letters to give to them when she died. This ladies mother still has not read her letter. I thought about this. But decided not to do it.
They all know I love them. I am proud of them. They are unique and special.
I feel like reading those letters would only make them more sad, so the letter writing would be more for the cancer person than to the people she was giving them to. I could be wrong but that's my thoughts.
The grandkids all came to see me. I did NOT want them to come, but I understand why they wanted to see me.
They are all special and I was glad to see them all together again. It has been a long time.
Vincent
He can still make me laugh. He not only listens to a different drummer, he listens to a different band. I hope he settles into a calmer pattern and he gets his life in order. He is a good soul.
Grace
She is a mini mommy. She is a good daughter. No matter what she does, she will be a success. She stands up for herself.
She just needs to not pay attention to what other people think or say. Don't worry so much.
Kayla
Her and Grace make a good fit. She is dependable and has a good heart. She needs to not care what people think or say too.
Liam
Too kind hearted, too sensitive, too easy. But hopefully he is growing out of that now. He needs to know his feelings are important too. I hope he finds his path. His laugh can make you laugh.
Joseph
Never worried about Joseph. He knows what he wants and will get it. He can be very thoughtful and he will be a great father. But its his life. He does use people and he feels he is smarter than most people.
That thing he married is another story. She needs a good tell off. But she gets away with it, he finds no problem with it. She is lucky she has a father in law who will let her get away with just about anything, no matter how wrong she is. He did the same thing with Joseph, to keep him happy.
I love them all...well...not you know who...but every one else. :D
My medication has increased. I am going on pain patches besides my narc. The medicine was still working buy I am taking it more often. Instead of every six hour doses I am taking it 4 hour doses. So I would take the patch and then the Narc would be if I need more relief.
Otherwise everything else seems to be the same. I am sure I lost more weight but I have not weighed myself. I still have a cup of tea in the morning and 3 shakes a day.
Also, I damaged my big toe 3 months ago and for a few weeks the nail on the toe was half hanging off. It finally came off last night! YAY I don't have enough problems I had to have that annoying thing bothering my foot!
At one point when Bill and I were dating, he was in a bar one night and the crew in there convinced him to elope with me.
This is the house I lived in, we lived upstairs and my Aunt, Uncle and cousins lived downstairs. My bedroom was the window above the door.
It was a tiny room with a twin bed, desk and bureau with a closet.
Sometime during the night, a sound of scratching on the window screen woke me up. There was bill at the window trying to wake me up. I open the window to let him in. He tells me to get dressed we are going to elope. I said things like he is crazy, He needs to get out. He is laying in bed while I get dressed trying to get him out. He is a sleep.
I can not wake him up. My father is working and my mother asleep. I am going to get a beating! But he is out and I can not budge him.
I finally have to wake my mother because my father will home in about an hour. For that hour there is nothing for us to do, but smoke and pace back and forth from the window.
Finally we peek out and see my fathers car coming down the block, he drives slow...staring at the house. We don't know why he is doing that.
We don't know what my father will do. As he comes in the house and climbs the stairs we are there to meet him and tell him what happen.
He shakes his head and laughs. Not the reaction we expected. He said he can't do anything right. We asked him why was he staring at the house. He said there is a ladder leading up to my window outside the house. It seems Billy went into the neighbors yard across the street and stole their ladder.
So, my father went back out and took the ladder down and we just sat waiting till he woke up sometime in the afternoon.
Of course my father ribbed him about this for a number of years.
So that was the day I did not elope.
When I first started taking the Narc, I was having weird dreams, most of them in color. I usually have black and white dreams.
I had dreams of Marie Curie, I had them about 3 nights in a row. Of all the people to dream about!
In my dreams I was watching how radiation changed things...the color of clothes and it would change hard plastic dolls into rubber ect. I finally said to myself, ok, no more dreams about Marie.
I did not know she had some Quotes she was famous for. I looked at them and decided this was my favorite quote of hers.
" Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less."
I did have other weird dreams, I was in a very small shop. I want to say it was a tea shop. It was in rubble, like damaged in a war or some disaster. Broken cups and saucers, pottery. Trying to clear it out. I don't want to do it, but I have to start somewhere.
Another dream, I went to see my friend Cheryl. She was going to a play and I was wishing her a good time on her trip to the city to see the play. But then I found out I was going to see the play too.And then I found out I was going to be in the play with all them! I was excited and upset at the same time, I can't act, I don't think I can even memorize lines! I don't have many lines, thankgoodess. We are all on the train heading for the city.
I am still adjusting my medication, I am not taking so much narco right now, so my dreams have not been too weird and most I can't remember them on waking, I just know I was dreaming.
The cancer is progressing. I am now taking a Narc. It helps. I like to sleep, because nothing hurts when I am asleep.
Grace surprised me by staying here for while and Vincent might be here the end of the month. Liam makes little visits too.
I only eat liquids now. I don't even want to make the effort to eat eggs. So I have nutritional drinks, ice cream, pudding.
All in all I am feeling ok and still can take of my self.
