Cancer-first week of June

 I actually thought I would be gone by now.  The progress of the cancer seemed pretty aggressive so I thought I had, maybe a month. But here I am. 

I think some people have an idea they might be dying. At least I found that with some people.  You just need to listen.

My mother always joked about what she would do when my father died. Oh me and Mae are going to do  this..and that...  But then one day when my father was telling her where the Military is burying the veterans, she said, Oh you are not leaving me here alone. You are not going first.  This was very unusual for her to say. She was right.

  Another time was, I was telling her about Agnes graduating middle school and she said she would not be here for it. I said Ma, it's only 2 years away. And no, she did not make it. So those are changes to look out for. 

Also, Christmas. My daughters mother in law sent unusual gifts for Christmas. Once I saw that, I knew this was going to be her last Christmas. 

I knew last Christmas would be my last. I almost told my daughter, but  I thought to myself...Rita, why not just ruin Christmas with a big downer like that. 

It seems like your body and or your subconscious mind knows what is going on. There is a change, a knowing.  I think this might happen mostly if you do have a sickness, your body knows it.  

That is just my thoughts on that.  

I still see the hospice nurse once a week, so that has not increased yet.

  My mouth is progressing, my speech is very rough, my daughter understands me the best but it is even hard for her to know what I am saying at times.

Till the next time..........